i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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