You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
