so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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