I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I need moral support for this bender
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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