I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
