Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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