Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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