YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Where is the hickey?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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