I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
