My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
