Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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