if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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