i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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