porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
