I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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