Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
