He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
