yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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