My balls are so social today.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
