Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
