Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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