Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
