We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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