I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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