I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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