Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
