11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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