yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
