I wish my penis had an off switch
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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