She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
