just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
