I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
