first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
