Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
