For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
