Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
