i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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