well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
