yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
