New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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