so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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