it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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