Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
