I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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