Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
