His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
