Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
