I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
