Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
