Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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