He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
