it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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