with your own penis?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Never joke about your clitoris.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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