I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
