No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
