I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
