im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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