did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
