Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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