I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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