8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So squirting runs in the family.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
