No stitches, just platelets and will power
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
so much tequila, so little girl.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
