I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
