My pussy is not your playground.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
