do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
