the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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