Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
