my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
